


From The Sidelines

by unsaidesires



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Fluff, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Fluff, Love Triangle, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Romance, Unrequited AoKise, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-26
Updated: 2015-05-26
Packaged: 2018-04-01 09:10:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4014019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsaidesires/pseuds/unsaidesires
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kise has been in love with Aomine since his Teiko days. However, he never confessed, never said anything, he just bottled everything up. When they moved on to high school and Aomine started to fall for someone else, did he then realize it was too late, and the worst part about it all was that he could not do a thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

_Everything has to come to an end._

_Kise knows that. But why?_

_Why, when it came, when_ the end _came, he wasn't prepared?_

_Not prepared at all._

* * *

_Teiko._

"Hey, Aominecchi!" The name felt fresh and new on Kise's tongue as he shouted from one end of the court.

Aomine turned around, bewildered, "'-cchi'?"

Giggling nervously, Kise explained a little, "That's just what I do when I acknowledge someone!"

"Oh, is that so? Anyway, what do you need help with?"

"Please teach me how to play basketball!" Kise bowed, causing Aomine to jump a little.

"Eh! Wait, don't be so formal with me! Fine, fine, I'll teach you," Aomine held up both hands, one hand holding a basketball.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know? You're the first person I had acknowledged._

"Uh... I'm not that good at explaining stuff so... I'm just gonna show how I do it, and I guess you just need to follow, alright?" Aomine got into position.

"Yes!" Kise stared intently.

Aomine did scored in a flash, from where he was standing - at the three-pointer line - and in a blink of an eye, he dribbled in, spun once, jumped and shoot.

Perfect.

Despite the speed, Kise saw everything. For a few seconds, he just stood there with his eyes wide open and his mouth hanging ajar. "Th... That was awesome, Aominecchi!" Kise clenched both his fists in excitement, his eyes glittering with admiration.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know? That was when I started looking up to you._

"Eh? Kise?" Kise turned to the source of the deep voice calling out to him. "What are you doing here? It's so late already."

"Aominecchi," Kise greeted. "Well, I'm just practising basketball."

"It's getting dark, you should head home soon," Aomine told him.

"No!" Kise objected. "I need to master this first!"

"Master what?" Aomine came over and placed his bag down beside Kise's. "I can help you."

"It's really frustrating: I can't copy your moves and your formless shots," Kise's face was filled with disappointment. "I've been at it for hours!"

Aomine knew that once Kise sees something, he would be able to copy it perfectly. However, both of them found out that Kise could never copy Aomine's no matter how hard he tried. Aomine could not help, either. It was a dead end for Kise.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know? You were the reason I walked down this path._

_Thanks._

* * *

The Winter Cup was over and the final examinations were approaching, haunting the students.

Basketball practice had officially stood down for all the schools across Japan.

For Kise, he was feeling pretty restless and decided to call Aomine one Saturday to play streetball with him.

"Aominecchi, do you wanna go play basketball with me?"

"Ehh…? Don't ya needa study?" Aomine asked in a slur, as he had just woken up.

"Yeah, but… Argh! I can't take it anymore! I haven't been playing for, like, ages!"

"Okay, okay. Same place, alright?"

"Yeah!" Kise hung up.

Kise felt his heart flutter as he stepped onto the old basketball court where Aomine was warming up while yawning his head off. Seeing Aomine in a singlet and pants could never fail to make Kise grin sheepishly to himself.

The truth was, Kise had been in love with Aomine since his Teikō days but he never said anything, not to his friends, not to his family, not to Aomine. No one.

When he first peeked into the gymnasium where the basketball club was practising, he knew he just had to join.

The brilliant figure of Aomine as he dunked every time, the loud thump as he landed after that, and the way he smiled whenever they played one-on-ones with each other. Everything about him just hit Kise right in the heart when he first locked eyes with him. However, it wasn't love at first sight, it was more of a chemical reaction.

_Unfortunately, everything needs to come to an end._

They moved on to high school and ended up in different ones. Kise was disappointed.

He wished his Teiko days could last a little longer.

"Well, at least I'll be able to face him off on the same court," Kise told himself and managed to cheer up.

Then something happened.

Then _it_ happened.

After Aomine played against Seirin for the first time, he mumbled to Kise, "Hey Kise… I think, just maybe, I have something for Kagami. J-Just something."

"Eh?" Kise's voice was no more than a breath that leaked out. His eyes widened, he tried to force out a smile. "I-Is that so?" He did not know what to say, but he knew he had to say something. Just something, anything, to stop his hammering heart from breaking his ribcage. He needed to distract himself, from the sudden pain and realization that struck him hard, as soon as possible, as much as possible.

_Damn._

Kise remembered that day, when Aomine called him out to play streetball with him a couple of days after his match. They were in the middle of a one-on-one when he suddenly mentioned about Kagami with a little tinge of red decorating his cheeks.

Kise had never seen Aomine like that before. Never.

Kise was scared.

For the next few days, he contemplated hard, whether to confess or not. He thought about it all week, in school, at home, even during practice when he couldn't even focus anymore.

"Maybe I should just confess and get over with it," Kise mumbled to himself while he fidgeted with his basketball on the bed. "But what if, I confess, and Aominecchi had already fallen for Kagamicchi?"

Kise fell into a deep silence.

"Then I'll need to do it as quickly as possible, don't I?!" Kise jolted upright before softening into a jelly-like mess onto the bed again. "No, but… What if Aominecchi doesn't even like me…? I would just make a fool out of myself!" Kise set the ball aside and buried his head in his pillow, exhausted and mentally worn out from all the thinking. He screamed into the pillow for five long seconds.

Sighing, finally, he came to a conclusion, "I should just let nature take its course…"

_Oh, how he wished he never did._

* * *

During the game with Tōō, Kise stopped admiring Aomine, and was able to play on par with him. However, he lost.

The loss was not something Kise wanted, but after the game, he knew he had fallen even deeper.

Deeper in love with Aomine.

_Ah… What the hell am I doing? Loving him…_

He shouldn't have.

_Maybe I should've confessed earlier…_

"It really hurts now," Kise muttered to himself as he walked home that day. He knew Aomine had spent a lot of time with Kagami since their first match together, and he was feeling pretty lonely since then.

Of course, Aomine still walked home together with Kise every now and then, but it did not satisfy Kise.

_But I can't just stop loving him. That's asking for the impossible. There's nothing I can do. I can only… Refrain myself for going further than this._

_Damn._

_I kinda miss him._

Jealousy ate at Kise mercilessly.

Many times, countless times, Kise wanted to tell Aomine how much he loved him and how long he had been in love with him. However, whenever he stopped Aomine at the corner of corridors or just past the gates of the school, his mouth refused to move and the words refused to leave his tongue. Every time he reluctantly, unintentionally, muttered, "Oh, it's nothing", his heart could only ache more.

His heart ached with the heavy burden of his unsaid confession.

But no matter how hard he tried, the fear and worry would just gnaw at him like a starving piranha:

_What if I screw up?_

_What if Aomine doesn't like me?_

_What if he had already confessed to Kagami?_

_What if, what if, what if…_

_What do I do?_

* * *

"Here," Aomine handed Kise his blueberry popsicle.

"Thanks."

They walked in silence, shoulder to shoulder, eating their popsicles.

"Oh yeah, Akashi told us to meet up at his house to study this Saturday. Do you wanna come?" Aomine asked.

"Oh, okay. Sure."

Silence again.

"Then I'll see ya tomorrow," Aomine said before he turned the corner.

The conversation was short and dry, and it left a lump in Kise's throat as he regretted not saying more while he walked home.

The next day, all of the members from the Generation of Miracles met up at Akashi's house with bags full of books and worksheets.

All of them, except Aomine, had no problem with their studies. In the end, they spent the whole day teaching Aomine the basics of all the subjects and covered all the key topics over and over until he got it.

Everyone was more than just exhausted.

That day, no one - I repeat, no one - had any idea how lovingly Kise stared at Aomine when he was watching him write down and solve equations, just like how a person in love will do.

The eyes of someone in love tell a thousand words.

Kise looked at Aomine's face, his eyes absorbed in concentration, his brows furrowed together, his fingers gripping the pen desperately as it flew across the paper while he mumbled the equation to himself. What Kise did not know was that the more he watched him, the bigger the smile that gradually grew across his face.

_Ahh... It feels like we're alone in this room, cramming for finals on a Saturday morning..._

Nothing could possibly feel better than being with someone one loves. Nothing. It was the best feeling in the world.

Whether or not the other person loves him back.

That day, everyone went home feeling exhausted and accomplished, while Kise wished it could last a little longer.

* * *

Finals came and went.

Fortunately, the Generation of Miracles' efforts paid off and Aomine managed to pass his examinations.

"Man, this year was close!" Aomine said to his former teammates who decided to play basketball together after the examinations ended.

"Congratulations, Aominecchi!" Kise waved to him from the court.

"You did well," Akashi praised him.

"You should be grateful to us, Aomine," that was Midorima.

"Congratulations, Aomine-kun," Kuroko smiled.

"Hey, let's hurry up and play already… It's been a long time since we've meet up to play," Murasakibara complained.

All six of them played for two hours straight before going to Maji Burger to have lunch together. As usual, Murasakibara ordered a ton and the rest had to stuff down whatever was left that Murasakibara stubbornly refused to eat. They were fooling around for a minute or two before actually eating, and one of the waitresses had to go over and told them to keep their volume down, making Akashi feel embarrassed for being the former captain of such a noisy team.

"Eh? Kagami-kun," Kuroko said, his gaze fixed at the entrance of the fast food restaurant while sipping his vanilla shake. Kise whipped over and saw Kagami walking in, catching all of their attention.

"Yo, Kuroko. What a coincidence," Kagami greeted back, ignoring the rest of them. He then went over to the counter to - also - order a ton of burgers before settling down at another table.

Kise could feel his heart sink for a reason he could not quite pinpoint.

_He did not want him here._

_He was the last person he wanted to see that day._

Aomine went to dispose his trash and return his tray before going over to Kagami, which was something that Kise really did not want to see. Nudging him, Aomine said, "We should play again someday. I'd love to play with you in the zone again."

"Mm? Oh, okay, sure," Kagami tried to grin with his cheeks full.

When Aomine came back, Midorima said, "I didn't know you're _that_ close to him."

"Well, I did buy basketball shoes for him, and he was the first to make me feel alive in a match," Aomine replied. "Anyway, I'll be going now, my mum wants me back home to do some chores."

The other five members waved goodbye as Aomine stepped out of the restaurant.

Kise could feel something in him disintegrate as he watched him walk away.

_So this is why my heart has been hurting much more lately.  
_

"Sorry, I need to go as well," Kise left, his head low, enduring the throbbing pain in his chest.

Same thing, the rest waved goodbye.

* * *

It was a couple of days before Valentine's Day.

"Hey, Aominecchi, what are you gonna do this year?" Kise asked Aomine as they ate together.

"Hm? What? Valentine's Day?"

"Mhmm."

"Well, I'm gonna go on a date with Kagami…" Aomine looked away shyly, lightly scratching his neck. Kise kind of expected that answer, probably deep down, which he did not want to submit to. "But, I've got a problem, Kise."

"Problem? What's wrong?" Kise perked up, anticipating his answer, since he wanted to help him as much as he can, _even if it hurts him._

"I… I haven't bought a gift yet."

"What?!" Kise half-shouted, shocking some of the customers around them. "Ahem… What? It's almost Valentine's Day!"

"I know! Anyway, I need your help, is that okay?"

"Since it's your first date, I have to, don't I? So, besides buying a gift, what else?" Kise tried to act normal.

"I don't… I don't know what to say to him on that day itself…" Aomine felt pathetic for saying such a thing.

"Well… We can't prepare a script or something. All you need to do is act natural, but don't just say whatever that comes to your mind… But if you think about it, I guess Kagamicchi should know you well enough by now, so you can just shoot," Kise said. "For the gift, we can deal with that as soon as we finish eating. Let's not waste time."

Of course, Aomine finished his food faster than Kise.

After that, they were on their way to the mall.

They spent a total of four hours searching for a suitable gift, but to no avail.

"Hey, how about this?" Aomine was about to take a pair of shoes from the shelf in a sports store.

"But you already bought shoes for him!"

"Oh… Yeah, I forgot."

"Mou, Aominecchi!"

They argued here and there, stopped here and there, but in the end, they could not find something that Kagami would definitely like. It was frustrating.

After walking for a few more minutes, they encountered a store specifically selling all kinds of chocolate.

_All kinds_ , literally.

"I guess we should just settle with something normal. We've been at it for centuries!" Kise whined wearily.

"Okay, okay," Aomine gave in, too.

They browsed the shop, from top to bottom, for one end to the other.

Alas, both of them could not decide on one they both liked, even though the gift was for Kagami.

Kise was sighing when he heard Aomine's voice calling out to him from one corner of the store, "Oi, Kise! I think I found the perfect one!"

Kise trudged over.

"This!" Aomine pushed a box of chocolates to Kise. At one glance, everyone would think that it was just any other normal type of chocolate. However, it wasn't.

The chocolates were basketball-shaped!

Moreover, there were many different flavors which resulted in different colors, like orange and blue.

It was the perfect gift.

"I'm getting this!" Aomine grinned and - Kise could literally feel his heart melt - went over to the counter to pay for it.

As they walked out of the shop together, Aomine said, "Thanks, Kise. You were a big help today."

"Eh? But I didn't really do anything," Kise blushed a little at his words.

"Without you, I wouldn't have been able to actually even bother coming out here to shop."

"Ah, then... Welcome," Kise said as he flashed his brightest smile, his cheeks aflame.

Before they parted ways, Kise blurted out what was lingering on his tongue for quite some time, despite knowing he would just get hurt - from his own words, "Good luck for your date!"

_Yeah, it really did hurt._

* * *

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know? I was in love with you from the very start.  
_

_Did you know?_

_I love you._

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was Valentine's Day.

At last, possibly, for Kise. It felt like two years of torture.

He had to watch helplessly as Aomine fall head over heels in love with Kagami. He could not do a thing.

It was frustrating, it was depressing, and he felt like stabbing himself every now and then, but he had to see it through until the end.

At least, the guy he had a one-sided crush on - for years - found someone he loved and could be happy. That was probably the only good thing about it, the whole Valentine's Day thing.

On Valentine's Day, even with the countless love letters sprawled over his desk, Kise did not feel like doing anything. He did not particularly feel like he wanted to accomplish anything. He just felt like staying at home and sleeping away his sorrows. He felt like an unemployed middle-aged man in a bar after an unsuccessful interview drowning his sorrows with some cheap alcohol.

He probably felt worse than that.

He just wanted to get the day over and done with as soon as possible. He sighed as he stared at himself in the bathroom's mirror, watching himself brush his teeth wearily and slowly.

He probably just wanted to run away from everything: his feelings, Aomine and Kagami, and just be at peace today.

There were a lot of "probably"s popping up here and there around in Kise's mind as he wandered around the empty house in search of breakfast. His two sisters were out, probably with some guys who asked them out.

Grabbing some bread, he sat down at the dinner table and munched on it, staring out at the people walking past his house, couples hand in hand, some with their pets, and parents with their children.

_Such a blissful life they lead,_ Kise thought.

The phone rang and he went to answer it.

"Hello? No... Of course. Sure. I'll be there in a while," Kise hung up. It was from his modelling studio. His manager called him down, since he had no date, to have a quick photo shoot on different Valentine's Day themes. He quickly finished whatever was left and dressed himself in casual wear before heading down to the studio.

* * *

After the photo shoot, he was left to wander around the park near the studio.

He did not have anything to do or anyone to accompany anyway, so he could might as well get some fresh air.

He walked while fiddling around with the transparent umbrella his manager lent to him. "It looks like it's going to rain, so take it, lest you catch a cold," she said.

Alas, it did rain, and Kise opened the umbrella, even though it was just a light drizzle.

Humming along with the gentle melodious tune echoing from his earpiece, he swung the umbrella around, enjoying the sound of the gentle rain in the background. He wandered along the grass patches, threw some pebbles into the river which he stood overlooking and silently wished the couples he passed by luck.

The music and the rain in the background could only make it the atmosphere gloomier, and Kise felt like he was starring as the main character in some sad and emotional drama that his neighbors love to watch.

_Hm... It's raining... I wonder if Aominecchi's and Kagamicchi's plans got ruined in any way..._

_I hope they're okay._

Since the day Aomine went shopping with Kise, he did not say anything to the blond. Kise was worried, and wanted to call him numerous times, but whenever he punched in the ever-so-familiar numbers, he could not press the call button. Something was stopping him.

The fear of annoying him, the fear of irritating him, the fear of getting in his way of his plans for the day, the fear of making him more nervous on the eve of Valentine's Day... And the fear of getting hurt.

Now only Aomine and Kagami were the only ones occupying Kise's mind. Kise turned up the volume a little, surrounding himself with the music, so he would get distracted by it.

However, fleeting images of both of them continued to haunt him. Images of Aomine hugging Kagami, Aomine kissing Kagami shyly on the cheek, Aomine handing over his gift for Kagami, Aomine saying, "I love you." To Kagami.

Aomine and Kagami, Aomine and Kagami. Aomine, Kagami.

Kise sighed, feeling exhausted.

How much he hated that year's Valentine's Day.

His mood instantly changed 180 degrees.

Whenever he saw a couple, hand-in-hand, walking by, he felt the urge to shout at them. Or rather, in other words, shout at _himself_ :

Why did he not confess? Why did he not tell Aomine how he felt? Why did he not tell him that he actually bought a Valentine's Day gift for him the day before the previous day, after they finished shopping for the chocolates that Aomine picked out? Why, why, why?

Tears glistened in his eyes slowly but surely, and Kise swiftly reached up to wipe them away.

_Oh man, why am I crying? It's just another lonely Valentine's Day..._

The more he thought to himself, more tears arrived. Kise kept wiping them away and in the end, decided to just bury his head in his arms which were resting on the cold and wet metal railing with the umbrella leaning against his shoulder, shielding him from the occasional raindrops falling from the tree overhead.

The music which was singing into his ears no longer meant anything, like an empty vessel floating on the choppy waves, and all he could hear was his own sniffing every now and then, his warm breaths forming faint white swirls in the air. The cold rain only made it worse.

By the time he finally managed to straighten himself up and squint at the world in front of him, his sleeve was soaked. His face felt warm, his eyes were burning and his throat felt sore.

Dropping his numbed arm to his side, he felt something hard in his pocket.

_Oh yeah, I nearly forgot about this._

He fished out a typical phone strap. The phone strap had two basketballs dangling on the end of it, swaying against each other in the light wind. A small smile formed on Kise's face as he stared at them.

_"Hey, Kise," Aomine tapped his shoulder. "Here, for you! I bought some food yesterday, and somehow this came with it. The cashier said that he had two left, so he gave me both, since the offer was gonna end. So, this one is for you." He placed the phone strap onto Kise's open palm._

_"Eh? Are these... Basketballs?" Kise asked, a blush creeping up on his cheeks._

_"Yeah. What a coincidence, huh?" Aomine pulled out something from his pocket, only to reveal another identical one. "I have one, too. So don't needa worry about it. You can have it as your lucky charm or somethin'."_

_Kise's eyes glittered as he looked from Aomine to the phone strap. It was the first gift that Aomine had given him, in a sense._

_He felt like he was in heaven._

_He looked at the mini basketballs in awe, admiring them, turning them around and around, like he had never seen one before. "T-Thank you, Aominecchi," Kise said awkwardly._

_"No problem," Aomine smiled a little._

_"No, you don't understand," Kise wanted to say. "It's like a Valentine's Day gift. Thank you."_

_He did not say another word about it that day._

He did not feel any regret rising in him, though, no matter how much he wanted to tell him.

He now regards his phone strap as his lucky charm, hoping it would fulfill his unknown wishes one day.

_I don't think it gave me any luck, though._

Kise sighed and closed his fingers around the fragile phone strap, then started to stare blankly at the water surface which was dribbled with tiny raindrops.

_I wonder how's Aominecchi's date going…_

_Well, I kinda hope it'll turn out well despite the rain, but… Some part of me prays it will end up as a failure._

An angel and a devil.

The two opposing sides fought hard inside him, almost tearing Kise to pieces in the crossfire. Kise shut his ears, shutting them out, shutting his voices out of his head.

_No… I just want Aominecchi to be happy, that's all._

"But don't you wanna be happy, too?" A little deep voice suddenly whispered to him from the inside.

Kise jolted up, his hands off his ears now, listening intently.

_Who was that?_

Just as Kise thought that he was just hallucinating, the voice rang in his ears once more.

"Don't you wanna be happy, too?" The voice asked slowly and confidently, turning Kise's mind into a confused mess.

"I do, but…" Kise answered hesitantly, unsure of who he was talking to, even though he knew deep down who it really was.

"Then why are you hesitating?"

"Eh?"

"If you wanna do it, you better do it quickly."

"Do what?"

"You yourself should know best," Kise did not answer and the voice started to fade away.

Kise fell silent for a while.

"It's pointless. It's too late, anyway," Kise whispered into the cool air.

The voice did not echo back anymore.

Kise was about to bend over and rest on his arms, when something perked him back up again.

He was here.

No, _they_.

Kise looked over to the bridge. As if on cue, the rain got heavier, blocking his view and erasing details.

Just on the bridge, not very far from where Kise was, was the faint silhouette of Aomine and Kagami. The rain was light enough to make them out, at least.

Kise froze. He did not want to move; did not dare to.

He was afraid of something, again.

Something that - this time - he could not put his finger on.

His ears perked up and his back was slanted forward a little, trying to listen to them over the sound of the rain.

From the silhouettes, he could see Aomine looking out at the rain for a moment before turning back to Kagami.

_So they were here…_

Kise could see Aomine digging something out desperately from his sling bag. He then handed over whatever he was holding, saying something as he did so.

_Ah… I'm so jealous. If only I was Kagami… My life would be complete already._

Upon a closer look, it was the box of basketball-shaped chocolates Kise and Aomine picked out, though it was actually just Aomine. The box was wrapped up neatly in a bright cyan gift paper.

Disappointment flashed across in Kise's eyes.

Kise could not see as clearly from where he was standing, but he was a hundred percent sure Aomine was blushing hard.

It was like a muted romance movie.

Kagami got caught off guard but still took the present. Kagami said something Kise could not decipher just by reading his lips, and bowed a little.

He was probably apologizing, since he had no gift for the other man.

Aomine said something back, paused for a second, then leaned forward, like he was intimidating Kagami.

_No, wait, what are you doing?_

_Please don't lean so close to him…_

Kise's heart thumped faster, like he was watching the climax of a romance drama.

He wanted to reach out, to go over and find out what was happening, but he knew he couldn't. He knew that if he went over, then everything would be ruined:

Aomine's plans for Valentine's Day, the tense atmosphere, and most of all, all of Kise's efforts in holding back his feelings.

Everything.

_Aomine, Aomine, Aomine…_

_I'm here, too… Please look at me. I've been here all this while. Please turn around…_

He knew it was impossible.

_Why can't this be something from a typical drama? Where the main character's crush suddenly realizes how he had felt all along, then turns around and runs to the other side?_

_Why? Aomine, please._

_Why? Only now, I submitted to my feelings._

_It's indeed too late._

Kise held his breath.

_I don't want those images to become reality._

_Not in front of my eyes. Not here, not now._

_I'm not ready yet._

Kagami jerked back a little, his face was so red that even Kise could see it from where he was standing, through the rain.

Kise could hear himself breathing harder, his breaths trembling slightly, forming shaky swirls of white.

_Why must it be now?_

* * *

_ On the bridge. _

"W-What do you mean?!" Kagami's cheeks burned up with a fiery glow to them as he half-shouted at Aomine.

"What? You still don't get it?" Aomine smiled a little at Kagami's pretend stupidity which was way too easy to read. "I'm saying, because you didn't prepare a gift, why not give me a kiss instead? I'll be good to you, I'll let you choose where you wanna plant it."

Kagami looked away, cheeks still flushing while he said loud enough for Aomine to hear over the rain which was about to become a downpour, "I was... I was actually thinking of doing that last night..."

"Eh?" Aomine, clearly shocked, backed away a little, allowing Kagami to breathe easier. "A-Are you serious?"

"O-Of course I'm serious!" It was Kagami's turn to lean in. "I didn't prepare a gift, okay? I spent hours looking for one but I couldn't find it, so I came up with a really half-assed solution to make us even!" Kagami blurted everything out, looking at anywhere else except Aomine.

_Oh, damn, he's cute,_ Aomine thought to himself.

"I see... It's a good solution, haha!" Aomine chuckled a little, a tinge of red starting to stain his cheeks. "Then... Can I have your Valentine's Day gift now? I can't wait anymore, you know."

"S-Shut up, I know what to do!" Kagami finally made eye contact with the blue-haired man. He was just starting to lean in when Aomine interrupted, causing the romantic atmosphere to break apart a little, "Hold on a sec. I forgot, I want a French kiss." He smirked when he saw Kagami's cheeks glow redder.

"Fine!" Kagami leaned in, his arms automatically circled Aomine's waist gently, pulling him closer to meet his lips.

* * *

_Kise._

Kise saw everything.

From the short romantic so-called argument to Kagami's French kiss.

He saw Aomine tease Kagami on purpose, he saw Kagami blush violently while blurting out everything quickly, he saw everything.

Everything that he did not want to see.

Everything that was the last thing he wanted to see.

Every single thing.

People always say that living things - both humans and animals - cannot live without hope. That is true.

Kise felt like killing himself.

People always say that living things - both humans and animals - can die of a broken heart. That is true. _Oh, so true._

Kise felt his heart ache harder than ever before.

He saw Aomine and Kagami, after staying there frozen with their lips interlocked, breaking away and Aomine stepping forward to hug Kagami, causing him to flail his arms around a little before awkwardly putting his arms around his waist, hugging him back.

He felt his arms warming up, like as if he was there, hugging Aomine.

He felt his lips throb a little, like as if he had his first kiss taken away by Aomine.

However, instead of his heart fluttering, his heart ached. His heart ached and he clutched at it so hard that he could feel his shirt on the verge of tearing apart and his nails burying deep into his skin.

Everything about it was painful.

Everything about them was painful.

Everything about him was painful.

No, everything about _his love_ was.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, how does it feel?_

_How does it feel like to have someone you love… Love you back?_

_I want to know how that feels, but I can't._

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, I miss you._

_Can you come back?_

_Can you tell me that you love me?_

_Can you tell me that everything you said and did up until now was just a big fat lie?_

_Can you?_

_Can I tell you that I love you?_

_Yes, I could have. I didn't._

_Can I tell you that everything I've said and did up until now was a big fat lie?_

_Yes, I could have. I didn't._

Kise's grip on the umbrella loosened but he tightened his fingers around it just before it fell as he continued staring wide-eyed at the two of them in each other's arms.

He still could not believe it.

He could not believe that he witnessed everything.

Everything that he swore he would kill himself if he ever did.

Everything that he hated.

Everything that he ran away from.

He blinked a couple of times and snapped out of the hypnotic trance. He exhaled loudly, slowing down the pace of his heart. He looked from the rain to the trees and to his phone strap in his hand. Anything but them.

_In the end, I'm still running away from the reality that slapped me hard in the face._

He hung his head and eyelids low, as he stared absent-mindedly at the phone strap, his eyes nothing but void, golden pearls.

He did not know what he was feeling anymore. The tears which were expected to come streaming down weren't, and the rain which was supposed to drench him when he dropped his umbrella didn't.

He felt an emptiness spreading inside him, laying its roots all over.

He felt a piece of him missing, it probably disappeared into the cold humid air along with his last glimmer of hope that he held onto too tightly.

He wanted to just jump into the river and end everything.

_I wonder how it feels like to die._

He wanted to cry, but nothing was coming out.

He wanted to scream, but nothing was coming out.

Nothing at all, just like how he never said anything about his love and his feelings, to anyone.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know?_

_I dreamt of you last night._

_It was a beautiful and surreal dream._

_I didn't forget it._

_In my dream, you were singing a song to me._

_I couldn't hear the lyrics. I couldn't hear your voice. I couldn't see your face. I only knew that you were singing to me._

_It was just the two of us and no one else, sitting in a white empty space on Valentine's Day._

_When I was in that dream, I forgot everything. I forgot your love for him, I forgot your date the next day, I forgot that something like that was the definition of impossible._

_I thought, maybe it was just my fantasy._

_It was._

_When I woke up, I remembered the lyrics. I could hear your voice, I could see your face. You weren't singing to me anymore. You weren't there._

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi, did you know?_

_That was my favorite song._

_In my dream, you were a great singer. It was beautiful._

_Thanks._

Kise finally straightened himself up, and turned to leave.

Before he took a handful of steps, he stopped in his tracks.

He lifted his hand and opened his fist to reveal the phone strap still in his hand.

He thought he had placed it in his pocket, but he didn't, in the end.

Kise did not smile, despite the memories painfully gushing back again. He walked over to a wet wooden bench under a tree.

He hesitated upon reaching it. He lifted the phone strap up to his face, thinking whether to kiss it or not.

He wanted to. He could.

He didn't.

Bending down a little, he gently planted the phone strap on the bench amidst small splotches of water, whispering, "Thanks for the gift, Aominecchi."

_But I don't think I deserve it._

_Sorry._

This time, he turned to leave and he never looked back.

_In the end, nothing changed._

_In the end, I didn't say anything._

_In the end, he fell in love with someone else._

_In the end… I still regretted._

Kise hummed along with his favorite song echoing gently into his ears as he walked slowly with his steps as heavy as rocks.

His humming soon turned into mumbling.

_"I wish you could see it from this view… 'Cause everything around you is a little bit brighter from your love."_

Kise chuckled upon hearing what he had just sang, "Like as if he would say that to me… Let alone sing…" His voice cracked a little at the end of the sentence, and hot tears started to well up in his eyes before streaming down his face one by one.

The song was about to end, and Kise muttered to himself, despite the pain gnawing at his throat as he tried to hold back his tears, not completely following the lyrics, "Life would be so much better if I had your love…"

Kise laughed at himself inside his head.

"If I had it, that is…"

Wiping his tears away and looking away when people stared, Kise kept crying. He did not know why he was crying, maybe he was just running away - again. Maybe he was running away from the fact that he was heartbroken, he was hurt, he regretted.

Kise laughed at himself and cried his eyes red.

The song ended, and the next song came up. The next song only made it worse.

_Hey, Aominecchi, Aominecchi…_

The female vocalist sang with obvious pain in her high-pitched voice, "Why did you choose her?"

_Why did you choose him?_

Biting his lips, he took a turn and walked over to the wet metal railing where he dropped his umbrella and let the rain drench him as he knelt down, leaning against the metal bars - which reminded him of being trapped in his own cage - while weeping his heart out. He buried his head in his arms as he tried to scream, but only a hoarse and pathetic whimper reverberated through the air.

_Damn._

_It hurts..._

* * *

_In the end, he could only watch them fall in love together.  
_

_In the end, he could not do or say anything and could only let himself get hurt over and over and over again._

_In the end, he did not confess to Aomine._

_In the end, nothing changed._

_Nothing at all._

_Not_ his _smiles, nor his tears._

_Not_ his _laughter, nor his cries._

_Not_ his _love for Kagami, nor his love for Aomine._

_In the end, nothing changed._

_Nothing at all._

_Nothing ever did, anyway._

_He was still watching from the sidelines._

* * *

**Titles of the songs respectively : Notes'n'Words by One Ok Rock (fav) and Tsumibito by Supercell  
**

 

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of pain. A lot of tears. I still cry when I re-read this, damn.


End file.
